I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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