All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
