im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you never un-have a 4some
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
