I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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