Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dick very happy bro
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
