his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
whose parrot is this?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
