My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am one with the molecules
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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