All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
