i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
