using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
