i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're like the curious george of whores
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
