Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
