This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
