It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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