So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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