he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
