My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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