You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
