I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
