just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
