I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
