you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My vagina just recognized that song.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
