Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
