I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
