You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
