There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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