Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
