we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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