Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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