Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
