Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
wow bdsm is so cute
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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