i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
