What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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