Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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