on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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