Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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