Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
