No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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