shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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