He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
