first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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