i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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