The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
