grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
