out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
