I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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