he puts the penis in happiness.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
