it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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