Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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