we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
