new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
