its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
