My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
