Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
