I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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