i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
