i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
