if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
