Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
4 words: hood of his car
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
