Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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