When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
