I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
