Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
