There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
