weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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