this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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