It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize