I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
