She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
