i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
