Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
