no, he came in my armpit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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