I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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