You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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