I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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