i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
