I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
