I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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