I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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