what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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