This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
