Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
