I think im going to throw up on grandma
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
