so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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