I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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