I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
