"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
